Give The Gift Of Your Presence and Attention.
This holiday season give your full attention to those you interact with. Be present with them. Listen. Listen, with the intent to understand as opposed to respond. Being witnessed in what you are sharing with another is transformative. You can give a transformative gift to someone just by listening! Don’t know how to truly listen? Don’t fear, listening is a skill you can develop overtime.
HOW TO LEARN TO LISTEN
Clear your Mind.
Just do it. Every day, whether it is journaling, meditation ( I love Ziva Meditation) or breathwork, do something everyday to clear your mind. If you know you are going to be engaged in a conversation set yourself up for success before. Take a moment to ground by taking 5 deep breaths. You can visualize a cord going from the base of your spine all the way down to the center of the Earth. See all your chaos, clutter and worries leaving your body through the chord. When you are finished with your 5 breaths see the chord breaking free from your spine.This will help you be in the present for the conversation and not caught up in your own mess!
Make it a Practice.
Find a friend who is interested in strengthening their listening muscles. Make sure it is someone you feel safe with. This can be a vulnerable practice. Start a timer for 5 minutes and allow your friend to talk about whatever is on their mind. Listen for the full 5 minutes. Let them talk- do not interrupt with affirmations, hold your “Oh My God” “SSSTTOOPP” and “No wayʼs”. Try to keep a neutral face as you hold space and witness what they are sharing. After 5 minutes, take a deep breath. Thank your friend for sharing. If it is appropriate, give them a hug. Then switch roles. Now it is your turn to experience the healing power of listening. Talk for the full 5 minutes. At the end of the practice, exchange gratitude for showing up. Keep coming back to this process.
Repeat Back.
Even if you don’t have a formal listening practice with a friend and a timer you can practice by repeating back what someone is saying in your own mind. This will anchor your mind to their words. It will help you to be present to what they are saying. You can also repeat back out loud what you heard them say . This will clarify that you understood it correctly. This is a technique from Dr. Marshall Rosenberg from Nonviolent Communication.
The gift of our full attention has the opportunity to make others feel special, loved and fully healed. I can’t think of anything better to receive.
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